Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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