Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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