People with herpes should wear stickers.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
