My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
