I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
