Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
