do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
