can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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