Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
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Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
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Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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