I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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