dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just high enough for therapy.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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