You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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