Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
