Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize