we have officially lost it.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
