too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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