I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Alive.
So much puke
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize