quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
