Please, let me fuck your mom
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
