A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Life is so much better after having sex.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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