It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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