I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
