coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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