This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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