I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i think i have two assholes
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
