How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
