is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize