hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
