Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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