The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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