meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
