I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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