Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
it glows. i had to have it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
