i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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