he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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