I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
