She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
