I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
