I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
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After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
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Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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