She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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