Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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