He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
