he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
