are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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