This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
