Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
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I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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