just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
