If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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