On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
