Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
