you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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