So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
oh god the rape fog is back!
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My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
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DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize