is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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