How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
