why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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