1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
