Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
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I need you to use more vowels.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
