I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
