tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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