I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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