turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
