I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
