My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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