he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
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2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
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You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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